« January 2005 | Main | March 2005 »
February 22, 2005
Simplicity and Surrender
Oswald Chambers wrote:
There are times when it seems as if God watches to see if we will give Him even small gifts of surrender, just to show how genuine our love is for Him. To be surrendered to God is of more value than our personal holiness. Concern over our personal holiness causes us to focus our eyes on ourselves, and we become overly concerned about the way we walk and talk and look, out of fear of offending God. ". . . but perfect love casts out fear . . ." once we are surrendered to God ( 1 John 4:18 ). We should quit asking ourselves, "Am I of any use?" and accept the truth that we really are not of much use to Him. The issue is never of being of use, but of being of value to God Himself. Once we are totally surrendered to God, He will work through us all the time. (My Utmost for His Highest, Feb. 21)
This is a book I'm really looking forward to reading. It's by Mark Salomon, the lead singer of the classic and influential Christian punk band The Crucified, who set the stage for other bands like The Blamed and Officer Negative, and 90 Pound Wuss. In the mid 90s, he started the Christian rock band Stavesacre, which was originally signed to Tooth and Nail, but now they're on Nitro records (as in The Offspring).
This is a guy I admire. He shaves his head, and he has a tattoo in Hebrew on his bicep. The first time I ever saw him--it must have been in 1995--Stavesacre was playing a show in Orange County, and they started out with a beautiful, feedback-driven song called "Minus", which is called that because only three members of the band participate (it is an instrumental and Mark is just a singer). Normally, you'd think the guy would either be waiting backstage, or dancing around like a drunken lunatic, but Mark was standing there in the middle of the stage, with his back to the audience, his arms raised in worship, and his eyes on the cross on the front wall of the church fellowship hall. The sight definitely made a lasting impression on me.
The other day, Relevant Magazine e-mailed me a chapter from the book, and I think it ties in directly with what Chambers was saying about the difference between visible holiness (to be seen by men) and extravagant devotion. Here's a teaser:
Be it for the praise of other Christians, or just to get them off your back, the desire to have people praise your progress in the faith can be just as vain as the need to be seen as a success by your peers, or society, or any of those other forms of "acceptable" ego-stroking. Since the very essence of God's grace is that He has given us unmerited mercy in return for our wickedness, ego should have nothing to do with our growth as Christians. I believe that taking pride in driving a better car or having a nicer house than your neighbor is no less a matter of pride as the desire to hear other Christians praise your so-called godliness. While it's good to encourage others by maturing in your faith, just as the spiritual maturity of those around us is encouraging, it's also easy to get off track. I'm talking about that need for a spiritual "Atta-boy!" or a better seat in church on Sunday, or the always dangerous acceptance into that inner circle of "church staff." (No, I don't think that the position of a church staff member is evil. I just know that if Christianity is treated like a social club, it often has the same entanglements as one. From someone who spent half of his life growing up in churches, I can say it happens, and more often than you might think.)
Posted by aaronlord at 09:03 AM | Comments (0)
February 18, 2005
The Initiative Against Despair
I know I quote Oswald Chambers a lot, but there's something about his daily devotional that makes it continually relevant. However, sometimes I end up skipping a day. The Feb. 18 entry is one particular one that ministered to me. I'm wondering whether I skipped it last year, because I know that hearing it would have done me some good.
The sense of having done something irreversible tends to make us despair. We say, "Well, it’s all over and ruined now; what’s the point in trying anymore." If we think this kind of despair is an exception, we are mistaken. It is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize we have not taken advantage of a magnificent opportunity, we are apt to sink into despair. But Jesus comes and lovingly says to us, in essence, "Sleep on now. That opportunity is lost forever and you can’t change that. But get up, and let’s go on to the next thing." In other words, let the past sleep, but let it sleep in the sweet embrace of Christ, and let us go on into the invincible future with Him... Never let the sense of past failure defeat your next step. (My Utmost for His Highest, Feb. 18)
Posted by aaronlord at 08:41 AM | Comments (0)
February 12, 2005
"The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing"
"Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him." 2 Tim. 2:3-4 (ESV)
"Then Jesus told his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.'" Matt. 16:24-25 (ESV)
This week I went to a worship conference with Sam and Kevin. One recurring theme at the conference was the need for worship leaders to recognize that we don't bring anything to the table, that God does not need us, and that when God calls us, we need to leave all of our past accomplishments as well as future ambitions behind.
On Thursday night, before I went to sleep, I read chapter 2 in The Pursuit of God, "The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing." At first glance, the chapter appears to be about materialism, but when you go deeper, you find it is more about the sin of putting anything other than God on the throne of your heart, whether that be material things, people, abilities, ambitions, ideas, desires, dreams, whatever.
At first, as I read, I was thinking about a certain materialistic person whom I had known, and how correct I was in my opinion of the wrongness of this materialism, and how right I was in choosing to dissociate myself from this individual. But when we read, we cannot read for other people. Even a preacher who is reading in order to prepare a sermon that has to be made relevant to a congregation, has to first read for himself. "We preach best what we need to learn most." So a better application than strengthening my resolve against other people's materialism is to humbly recognize my own idols.
For example, the idea of getting married was an idol for me, for a very long time. I made compromises in critical areas, the way musical artists might sell out on their convictions and their friends in order to get a recording contract. This was such a bad issue for me, and even when healing is complete and I'm ready to open up my heart to make it available to somebody else in the future, I doubt that Theoretical Future Girl will be able to believe that I'm really interested in her and not just in the idea of marriage.
The core of the chapter uses Abraham's attempted sacrifice of Isaac as an illustration. By asking Abraham to kill his only son, God humbled him and took away all of his earthly security, and thus reset his priorities. In the same way I had to come to a place where I was humiliated, in order to discover in my shame that the whole wanting to get married thing was an idol for me after all. This is an area God's been dealing with in my heart for months, but right now what I'm learning is that idolatry has deeper roots than what is visible or obvious, and it has to do fundamentally with our understanding of contentment.
This week I came to a realization that the word contentment does not mean what we think it means, and I think that it is possible for us to have idols and not know it, and it is by changing our definition that these very idols will be exposed.
I once had a friendship that was so special to me, I said that I could go the rest of my life and be okay, even if I never got married, as long as I still had this friendship with this girl. And in so thinking, I thought I was being content, and therefore spiritual. But that's not contentment at all. Biblical contentment is not the same thing as being happy with the status quo and not wanting more than we already have. No, true spiritual contentment is being happy even if everything we have is taken away from us, because our treasure and our hope is internal, and it is eternal. In this way, expressions of perceived contentment can actually point out idolatry in our lives, when we are expressing satisfaction with things we hope will not be taken away, when we are satisfied with God's gifts rather than with God. Even a friendship can be an idol, when you say it's the one thing that will keep you happy as long as you get to hold onto it forever.
Everything was different for Abraham after the trial was over. As Tozer puts it,
The old man of God lifted his head to respond to the Voice, and stood there on the mount strong and pure and grand, a man marked out by the Lord for special treatment, a friend and favorite of the Most High. Now he was a man wholly surrendered, a man utterly obedient, a man who possessed nothing. He had concentrated his all in the person of his dear son, and God had taken it from him. God could have begun out on the margin of Abraham's life and worked inward to the center. He chose rather to cut quickly to the heart and have it over in one sharp act of separation...
I have said that Abraham possessed nothing. Yet was not this poor man rich? Everything he had owned before was his still to enjoy: sheep, camels, herds, and goods of every sort. He had also his wife and his friends, and best of all he had his son Isaac safe by his side. He had everything, but he possessed nothing. There is the spiritual secret. There is the sweet theology of the heart which can be learned only in the school of renunciation. (p. 27)
What God did to Abraham produced a profound change of character that affected how he looked at everything else in his life. In the same way, in terms of applying this in our own lives, we need to look to make sure that we get the full affect of what God has done to us when we go through experiences like this; that we don't just see the one particular issue he addresses as being re-ordered in our lives, but that the root of idolatry is completely eradicated!
The next morning, we led worship for the whole group gathered there and Sam spoke on Genesis 22. Lord, are you trying to tell me something?
Posted by aaronlord at 03:06 PM | Comments (1)
February 10, 2005
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, No. 2
This is the first installment in a planned chapter-by-chapter look at A.W. Tozer's book, The Pursuit of God. Granted, there are many who have discovered the book long before I did, who will also be much better equipped for a task such as this. But hey, this is a blog, so I'm just going to write what I think.
I think first heard about A.W. Tozer's book, The Pursuit of God, ten years ago, mentioned in a sermon from Pastor Dave Owen at the Malibu Vineyard. Each time Dave would quote Tozer, I'd write it down in my notebook and make a note that I needed to get a copy of that book! Well, I still don't have a copy, but I found one of Pastor Sam's copies sitting in a box in the upstairs hallway near my work area, so I opened it up, and it blew me away immediately.
What I wrote in my last entry--"Can you really go up on the mountain, enter the Lord's presence, and not have thoughts of any other people enter your mind as soon as you close your eyes to pray or to worship?"--is something I struggle with periodically. It doesn't just have to do with people with whom you have issues, but it has to do with your mind racing while you're trying to concentrate on the Lord, and I remember it being an issue even 10 years ago at Group at the Ferguson's house in Malibu. The introduction to Tozer's book calls this "turbulence of soul", and says that the quietness cannot be found in "cloistered retreats". Monasticism and asceticism are not going to get you there. It's an internal thing with has to do with your direct connection to God and whether you're keeping that line open, no matter how noisy your surroundings. As the writer of the introduction says, "He came upon this closer walk with God in the bustle and noise of the city of Chicago. Tozer never enjoyed the luxury of a cloistered life" (The Pursuit of God, p. 5).
Another thing that stuck out with me in the introduction is the way Tozer brought God into every aspect of his life.
[He] educated himself by years of diligent study and a constant prayerful seeking of the mind of God. With Tozer, seeking truth and seeking God were one and the same thing. For example, when he felt he needed an understanding of the great English works of Shakespeare, he read them through on his knees, asking God to help him understand their meaning. (p. 6)
That's cool!
If Tozer were alive today, I think he'd be a blogger. He has that kind of attitude in his writing that I see a lot in the blogs of those with new reformation views, those who see problems with the way we Americans practice Christianity today, and seek to change it. In his own preface, he writes about the difference between a right opinion of God and true spiritual worship. He says worship has been replaced with programs, and although strong Bible teaching is a must, it is not enough. "For it is not mere words that nourish the soul, but God Himself, and unless and until the hearers find God in personal experience they are not the better for having heard the truth" (p.10).
Now to make it personal. This is the reason I wanted to write this installment today: the theme of the first chapter in the book, the one that explains why we should pursue God in the first place, is the same theme of U2 had in their song, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For". Many Christians felt like U2 had abandoned their faith with that song and looked at it as the proof that they had turned away from following God completely. After all, if someone has truly found Jesus, what could he possibly still be looking for? I have heard this opinion expressed by individuals with my own ears, as well as read articles that confirm that this is a very widespread view among many Christians, and it's very sad.
Tozer's point in Chapter 1 is that finding Jesus is not the end, but only the beginning, and reading this chapter has caused me to seriously suspect that Bono read Tozer before he wrote the song.
I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
Tozer's view is that the belief is the first step into a much larger world. There is belief, and then there is knowledge. "The doctrine of justification by faith--a biblical truth, and blessed relief from sterile legalism and unavailing self-effort--has in our time fallen into evil company and been interpreted by many in such a manner as actually to bar men from the knowledge of God."
A mark of spiritual maturity is the realization that the journey will never end, that our relationship with the Lord is something that we have to cultivate and continue to do so until our final breath.
We have almost forgotten that God is a person and, as such, can be cultivated as any person can. It is inherent in personality to be able to know other personalities, but full knowledge of one personality by another cannot be achieved in one encounter. It is only after long and loving mental intercourse that the full possibilities of both can be explored. (p. 13)
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found...
Tozer writes, "To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love, scorned indeed by the too-easily-satisfied religionist, but justified in happy experience by the children of the burning heart" (p. 15). Are you willing to embark on that quest? It's a journey of individual discovery to know God for yourself, but you'll find there are others who have gone before, whose writings and reflections are like signposts to us, and there are also others today who are on the same road themselves.
"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent" (John 17:3, ESV).
Find Him! Seek Him with all your heart!
Posted by aaronlord at 01:09 PM | Comments (0)
My blog gets a new look
Life is a journey.
The English words journal and journal are borrowed from Middle French, and share the same root, jour, meaning day. Life is a journey, and journals, whether they be travel journals or journals written at home, convey that attitude. A.W. Tozer in The Pursuit of God does a good job of illustrating the spiritual walk as a lifelong journey, growth in personal intimacy with God, a trip of the kind where you never reach the end, because there is always further to go.
So that's why I've converted the blog from the "i once had dreads..." theme (about the past) to the road theme, which is about a continued journey into the future. The poem is from Tolkien. The original banner picture was taken at Deer Creek Falls on Hwy. 32, but I plan to change it up every once in a while with new pictures of new roads.
Posted by aaronlord at 01:00 PM | Comments (1)
February 06, 2005
Grace, Restoration, and Blank Slates
There's a passage I wish I would have read earlier this morning. According to my reading calendar I should have read it last night; but if I had, it's questionable whether my heart would have been in a place to receive such a pertinent application.
The LORD said to Moses, "Cut for yourself two tablets of stone like the first, and I will write on the tablets the words that were on the first tablets, which you broke. Be ready by the morning, and come up in the morning to Mount Sinai, and present yourself there to me on the top of the mountain. No one shall come up with you, and let no one be seen throughout all the mountain. Let no flocks or herds graze opposite that mountain." Exodus 34:1-3 (ESV)
It's been a pretty emo weekend for me. So much so that a good buddy called me a girl. A few months ago, Pastor Sam taught out of Philippians 3, and he spoke on not letting the past hinder you. I've been having a hard time making that a reality in my life. But I think Exodus 34 paints a picture of moving on that we can apply to ourselves spiritually. It's been a whole two chapters since the Golden Calf incident in chapter 32, and the Lord had already given the order to move on in Exodus 33:1.
We start chapter 34 with a blank slate. Two fresh tablets; and God, in his everlasting, ever patient grace, is going to write his law all over again (on our hearts--Jer 31:33). Even though we broke it, he's going to make it right for us. Often in our lives we experience the ungrace of "you broke it; you fix it," but when it comes to issues of the soul, only God can fix what we break.
The second point I got was the timliness and immediacy of it. Once God decides it's time for restoration, our response is to be immediate. "Be ready by the morning." The time for restoration has come. The Father knows there's some stuff we have to take care of (packing our bags, as it were), but we only have a few hours. In the morning it will be time to get a move on!
"Present yourself... No one shall come up with you." It's between you and God. When God calls me to move on, I can't sit there and say, "But so-and-so did this, and so-and-so did that." This one-on-one approach to the Lord means I have to let go of the bitterness towards those who hurt me, as well as my guilt and shame in hurting other people. And it also means I have to grasp the fact my relationship with God is really my own, and I cannot have a vicarious spirituality through other people.
"Let no one be seen." The Lord's will is that we be cleansed of our soul ties. Can you really go up on the mountain, enter the Lord's presence, and not have thoughts of any other people enter your mind as soon as you close your eyes to pray or to worship? This is a command of the Lord, something he tells US to take care of when we climb. It's our responsibility to remove all other persons from view.
Finally, God requires us to be rid of our personal entourage. "Let no flocks or herds..." When it comes to our relationship with God, we have to "undress ourselves" (as Chambers says) of all that we have. Whether it be academic or occupational or musical or social skills or anything else that we see ourselves as bringing to the table. In the economy of grace, there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that we bring to the table. Our own righteousness is as filthy rags!
Before Israel left Egypt, Moses had suggested that Pharaoh let them make a short spiritual pilgrimage to offer sacrifices in the desert. Pharaoh wanted them to leave their flocks and herds behind, but they needed to bring them in order to sacrifice. But at this point in Exodus 34, they had already left Egypt. Egypt is a type of the world. Once you leave, there is no going back. God has removed us from the world and our sins have been atoned for, and we have consecrated ourselves and made a commitment. We've already stumbled and experienced the consequences, so we're aware that we can't do it on our own. But Jesus' shed blood on the cross is a once-for-all atonement, covering all our failures, past present, and future. When God offers us a clean slate and calls us to restoration, there are no more flocks or herds... There are no more sacrifices to be made. It's just me and Him, one on one, and I know that it's all Him. He's the one upholding the covenant for the both of us.
Behold, I am making a covenant. Before all your people I will do marvels, such as have not been created in all the earth or in any nation. And all the people among whom you are shall see the work of the LORD, for it is an awesome thing that I will do with you." Exodus 34:10 (ESV)
Posted by aaronlord at 01:10 AM | Comments (0)
February 05, 2005
Dell Dimension 2350 mods, continued...
This is for posterity's sake, in case there's ever anyone out there online trying to figure out how to do this him or herself. Matt thinks I should figure out how to mod Mac Mini's, but I'm going to put that off until I can scramble $500 bucks together to get one, but that's going to have to wait, because my priority is getting a kilt in time for John's wedding in Scotland this summer...
This is my new CPU fan. It's a Zantec Quiet Cooler, and it keeps my CPU at only ~7°C above room temperature, which is considered pretty impressive!
The Dell Dimension 2350 motherboard has screws that hold the heatsink retention bracket down by connecting to hex screw standoffs underneath the motherboard. The standoffs connect in turn to the case chassis (see below).
If you're going to move your Dell mobo into a standard case, there's a likely chance that you won't find holes in the case for these standoffs. So do like me, and order a new heatsink retention bracket with the plastic pushpins.
Since replacing the retention module involved removing the motherboard, I had to take the whole thing apart, and the wires I referenced in last weekend's post came loose and I had to resplice them and tape them up all over again.
I'm still trying to sort out front I/O panel USB issues, but that can wait for now, since there are four USB ports in the back. I'm thinking about getting a USB-port to motherboard header adapter in order to extend the Dell I/O panel to the new case's USB panel. It will only work for one port though, because it has 5 pins and there are 9 pins on the USB connecter to power both USB ports. (I think one pin is a ground that is shared by both USB channels.)
Posted by aaronlord at 07:34 PM | Comments (0)
February 03, 2005
New blog launched for a buddy
I don't know why things look so much prettier when I make them for other people... Does this mean I'm really that others-centered now?
Here's a new blog I just launched today for my old buddy J.B.
In Spirit and in Truth
Host: Infosaic.net
Blog application: MovableType
My favorite new design element is the squiggles (courtesy of Squidfingers), configured with a drop-shadow for depth (an idea I got from WordPress).
The header photo is of Eilean Donan castle, at the intersection of Loch Alsh and Loch Duich along the A87 on the way to Skye. Those of us on the Highland team drove past it in the minibus on PrayerStorm '01.
Posted by aaronlord at 07:08 PM | Comments (0)
The Community and the Call
When consoling me about a church split before I moved to Chico, my mom said, "Church would be wonderful if it weren't for the people..." She was pointing out through irony the fact that the body of our perfect savior Jesus Christ is in fact made up of imperfect human beings, yet at the same time, you cannot have a church without people, because church is a community (Greek ekklesia).
When you serve in any area of ministry, whether the place is a big ol' megachurch or a teeny home fellowship, you're bound to come across people who just get on your nerves. Sometimes it's people who are bogged down in their mediocrity and have no desire to learn or grow. Sometimes it's people who are bogged down in their carnality and have no desire to kick the habit and walk in freedom. Sometimes it's people like me who come across as too busy to care so they just rush by you in the hallway on their way to fix some technical difficulty in the sanctuary, missing the tree for the forest, as if living by the Vulcan mantra, "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few..." (And if I've ever come across that way to any of you, I sincerely apologize!)
And sometimes it's people who are so prideful and sure of their own rightness, who go around trying to conform everyone else to unanimity. Chuck Swindoll calls them "grace killers", who are operating in their own strength rather than living by the Spirit. "Pride, which is at the heart of legalism, works in sync with other motivating factors. Like guilt. And fear. And shame. It leads to an emphasis on what should not be, and what one should not do. It flourishes in a drab context of negativism." (Swindoll, The Grace Awakening, p. 84). So now we have both ends of the spectrum: slackers and legalists. Pastor Will said to me recently, "God uses all those types of people to refine us, to shape us, to teach us patience and to mature us."
The statement, "If it weren't for the people...", redirects your focus and puts it on who is the Head of the church. It helps you to remember that it's not about us, it's about Him, and His wonderful gift of Grace! And therefore we can relax, because, as the Head, He is the only One who has the power to make all the parts line up.
When I read yesterday's entry in Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest, I saw that he points out the difference between people who are saved and people who are disciples. It can be really frustrating when people just won't change their lifestyle and actually behave like Christians ought to. But perhaps they're not called to discipleship? And if so, it's okay! The only requirement for us when it comes to Salvation is to "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved" (see Acts 16:31, NKJV). Sure, it makes my service easier if they have the same vision for ministry, the same calling to purity, etc., but if they don't, I need to just love them, and not take it so personally. The Call is between the Lord and His servant. There are no third parties involved.
Woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel!" (1 Cor. 9:16) ... Beware of stopping your ears to the call of God. Everyone who is saved is called to testify to the fact; but that is not the call to preach, it is merely an illustration in preaching. Paul is referring to the pangs produced in him by the constraint to preach the Gospel. Never apply what Paul says in this connection to souls coming in contact with God for salvation. There is nothing easier than getting saved because it is God's sovereign work--Come unto Me and I will save you. Our Lord never lays down the conditions of discipleship as the conditions of salvation. We are condemned to salvation through the Cross of Jesus Christ. [That is, figuratively speaking, the Father dooms us to salvation when He judges us as holy through the lens of the Cross of Christ.] Discipleship has an option with it--"If any man..."
Paul's words have to do with being made a servant of Jesus Christ, and our permission is never asked as to what we will do or where we will go. God makes us broken bread and poured-out wine to please Himself. To be "separated unto the gospel" means to hear the call of God; and when a man begins to overhear that call, then begins agony that is worthy of the name. Every ambition is nipped in the bud, every desire of life quenched, every outlook completely extinguished and blotted out, saving one thing only--"separated unto the gospel." Woe be to the soul who tries to put his foot in any other direction when once that call has come to him. (Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, p. 33)
Posted by aaronlord at 04:27 PM | Comments (0)
February 02, 2005
Tumbleweeds and bikes don't mix...
Jered Hess meets the Postal Service, right here.
:-)
Posted by aaronlord at 11:58 AM | Comments (0)
